Snape , Potter and Voldies Party
by Dampilleta
Summary: Looks like being the most powerful evil wizard in the world came with alcohol inmunability, no wait! Party lingo! That's like...totally total wing-wang...shoo-shoo' Reflected Snape... 'A work by PUKI, my editor'


**Snape In Voldemorts Party  
**  
**Disclaimer:** These characters are owned by Jk Rowling...  
  
**Summary:** Snape crashes into Voldemorts party and finds no other than... HARRY POTTER.

* * *

."Beeee-caaaause!-.....HE'S A JOLLY GOOD FELLOW, HE'S A JOLLY GOOD FELLOW, HE'S A JOLLY GOOD FELOOOOOOOOW, 'N NOBODEH CAN DENY!"  
  
"Yeah!" Finished the dark lord -Lord Voldemort- as he raised his drink with the rest of his singing followers. "This has been the best birthday...ever! Thank you guys!" He stated with a burp before falling back because of his lost balance. Luckily ("NOT!" thought Harry Potter in protest) Luscious Malfoy stopped his fall and helped him sit down. Voldemort grabbed Lucious and the next thing closest (Severus Snape) and hugged them while yelling "More beer! Beer all 'round and specially for these two, Lucy 'n Sevvie!!"  
  
"You" continued Voldemort pointing at Lucious after releasing him from the bear hug "You gave me the best present...bringing me 'Ol Harry! Just what I wanted for Christmas! With a bow and everything...and if that weren't enough, throwing this party for me! Though I must admit..." he whispered, though still very audible "I am a bit tipsy, HEY!?" He expressed happily, turning to Snape "...And YOU! My lost follower has returned, I was missen' ya Seve- Sever-whatever ...I'll call you James....Bond YEAH! Two great reasons to party!" He stood up and pretended to dance but had to be stopped form slamming into the walls and floor every now and then.  
  
Severus Snape, even though enjoying the feast was not really a returned follower, instead, after finding out that Harry Potter had been kidnapped, had been sent out by the order of the Phoenix to find him. _Everyone_ in the order of the Phoenix had been sent out to find Harry for that matter. However, being a firm believer that he didn't give a rat's ass weather Potter was tortured terribly, as long as he wasn't dead...'s ok. So! Instead of looking for Harry, he had just gone to a pub to get a drink...only to find out that he had crashed Voldemort's party and found Harry. "Aw crap" He said disillusioned, now figuring out he had to play the part of the horrible, obnoxious hero.  
  
All the semi sober Death Eaters had been about to kill him before he lied that he was actually returning to "The Dark Lord and his Death Eater-hood". Voldie had welcomed him with open arms, though ...it seemed 18 beers had made him forget his common sense.  
  
'Ok' Thought Severus 'Now everyone's dancing, it's my opportunity to grab Potter and get the hell out! ....Though, I might come back, this party's got it goen' on!!.... Or...I could go home and practice my party lingo...it sux....' Snape stopped thinking ( HAHAHA!) and realized that he was tipsy to boot...' but, but I had only 2 beers!' He looked around at Voldemort dancing the 'meniadito' with his supporters '...all of 'em had drunken 28 by that time! Looks like being the most powerful evil wizard in the world came with alcohol , no wait! Party lingo! That's like...totally total wing-wang...shoo-shoo!' Reflected Snape, then, coming out of his lingo trance he decided he needed to put his plan into action.  
  
He drank another two beers and sloooowly moved over to where Potter was tied, which turned out to be, next to the chimney!...Weeee!  
  
"What are you doing?" Harry asked the loaded Snape. He was trying to untie him, but seemed to have lost focus.  
  
"Oh well, ya know...or don't you? I'm here...on a quest...pam, pam, paaaam! To save you, you little sink."(Rmember: Potty=Potter... Snape is drunk...) "I thought you were returning to Voldemort and your Death Eater-hood" Harry asked a bit frightened by drunk Snape.  
  
"Oh? Oh nooo, you little toilet seat! That was just a lie I told those sukers" Snape spat as he pointed to Voldemort and Lucius right behind him.  
  
"What are you doing...WITH MY BIRTHDAY PRESENT!" Hollered Voldie. All the Death Eaters' wands were pointing at Snape's... ah...head!  
  
"Uh...I'm not TAKING him to run away and deliver him to Dumbledore...." finished Snape with a hearty laugh. "Ha... ha..."  
  
"Oh...Ok" Answered Malfoy "Then what are you doing?"  
  
"I...ah...was, well going to...take him to Lord Voldemort, of course! So...he could, ah ...dance with his present!" Snape assured them...there was a long silenced pause.  
  
"....WHAT A GRRRREAT IDEA!!" Concluded Voldemort, waving his beer happily "Gimmi here!" He pulled Harry, (still tied up) and together started 'dancing' leaning on each other. "Cha, Cha, CHA!"  
  
In that very moment Snape got yet another wonderful idea. What was the first wonderful idea? Dunno, but it certainly wasn't getting drunk. After settling down and letting his brain rest, he regained a little awareness and moved on with his plan. 'There's a chimney...' Snape noted as he stared at the place where Harry had been before being dragged away to dance.  
  
"Yeah! Do the lawnmower!" The Death Eaters could be heard screaming.  
  
'If there's a chimney, there's a way! Now, where can I get some floo powder? Wait! What am I saying!? I'm a _potions_ master! I'll make some floo inna jiffy!' Pondered Snape looking for the ingredients he had forgotten 'What were the ingredients that I needed again? Oh, right! Floo Powder!' He went over to the bar man and called him with the little enrolling finger thing.  
  
"Ah...wadda ya want?" The bar man asked a little scared. "Some a-floo powdeh" answered Snape slyly, dangling a pouch with money in it. The bar man narrowed his eyes. "Five galleons...and if anyone asks, you didn't buy it here" He said handing a bottle of floo just as Snape threw the pouch and ran away.  
  
"Hey! This is only three sikles!" Shouted the angry barman.  
  
"HAHA ...SU-KAH" Snape shouted back only to realize he had left the bottle behind too. "...aw, crap."  
  
After a very embarrassed Snape had payed the real amount for his floo and lost the first three sikles as well for 'unnecessary time loss' as the barman described it, he was on his way to the chimney (we yet still return to the chimney). When he arrived from his, oh so long, walk he hastily threw the floo powder and declared his location of visit.  
  
"Ah....what's it's name?....Ah grimy palace? No....where the hell?" The fire started zooming into a dark scary place "NO! NO! NOT HELL! THE MOST ANCIENT HOUSE OF BLACK!" He wailed, there was silence, everyone turned to look at him. "I ah...was...petitioning for a song...never herd it? House of Black-a-Bling-Bling by Snoop Dog"  
  
"No, I've never herd of it" Answered Luscious confused.  
  
"Never mind just keep on partying!" Snape ordered angrily.  
  
"... OK!" answered everyone happily as they kept on dancing. They had untied Harry now, for he had been forced to gulp down drinks and was merrily shaking his boo-teh.  
  
By this time the fire was connected to #12 Girimu...bla, bla you know the address and in front to receive the message was none other than...........'KREACHER! Oh no, he had foiled Potter's message and gotten Sirius killed but he would not do that to the great a-lingo-Snape!'  
  
"Listen to me you foul little animal- please, please, please get someone useful there that can help me!"  
  
"Kreacher? Kreacher-Kreacher" He answered sounding like a chirping canary, and if that weren't enough he added "Kreacher, Kreacher, Kreacher!" Snape stood mouth opened.  
  
"What have you done to the poor house-elf!!" A female voice was herd furiously.  
  
"He deserved it, Hermione! He was a BAAAAD house elf!" Answered what was most definitely Ron Weasley's voice.  
  
"Hey! HEY! Here in the fireplace!" Snape shrieked desperately "I've found Potter!" No sooner had the words come out of his mouth that Ron and Hermione had zoomed in front of the fire. "So if I wouldn't 'of said the Potter part would you have left me here all night?"  
  
Silence.  
  
"Is Harry all right?" Hermione broke the silence. Snape turned around to see Harry brake dancing "He's fine...but I still need back-up to take him out of here, this place is filled with Death Eaters!"  
  
"Where _are _you?" Ron asked wide-eyed.  
  
"Voldemort's birthday party" Ron and Hermione were so taken aback that Ron forgot to flinch at the name 'Voldemort' (flinch).  
  
"And...and...w...where is that?" Hermione asked confused.  
  
"Hog's head...hurry up!"  
  
"But...how are we supposed to get there?"  
  
"Take the funky bird!"  
  
"Buckbeak?" Asked Ron  
  
Before Snape could answer Malfoy stood over him.  
  
"What are you doing?" He asked darkly.  
  
"Ah...puking!" Severus answered quickly.  
  
"Puking fire?" He motioned to the green flames.  
  
"I had those dragon drinks earlier, didn't do much good" Snape lied for the second (??) time.  
  
"Oh yeah...those are cool"  
  
"You mean totally-total swoosh-do-dah!"  
  
"Practicing your party lingo?" Luscious asked and Snape nodded "It sux." Finished Malfoy.  
  
"Whose that?" Asked Ron quizzically from the other side of the fireplace.  
  
"Whose _that_ ?" Asked Malfoy even _more_ quizzically.  
  
"JUST GET HERE!" Snape screamed to the pair before lighting out the fire.  
  
Superman music plays in #12 Gri....you know the address  
  
"OK! Let's ride!" Ron said barging in on Buckbeak and preparing to mount him.  
  
"No, Ron wait! You have to......." Buck had sent Ron flying against the door. "Bow first" Hermione finished with a sigh.  
  
Some time later, they were airborne, Ron still occasionally complaining about his 'broken neck' and that he 'couldn't believe he was riding this death machine'. Sending urgent notices to all the order's members, they had decided to disobey and go looking for Harry as well.  
  
They had entered Hogsmade after some untracked time and were soon looking for the infamous 'Hog's Head' pub. Ron spotted it, the most lit structure in town, and after leaving Buck freely untied in front of the building, entered through the back door.

* * *

WE STOP THIS STORY FOR A QUICK ANNOUNCEMENT:  
  
BEER GLASS COUNT:

VOLDEMORT....................................................48

REST OF THE DEATH EATERS..................................28

LUSCIUS............................................................18

HARRY..........................1 Gallon (However that much is)

SANPE.........................................................5   
  
NOTICE THAT THEY ARE ALL EQUALLY DRUNK Lesson: Snape is a woos. -dodges Snape fans' tomatoes  
  
Snape was now dancing along with everyone else when the barman closed up to him, whispered in his ear pointing to the back door where you could see the faces of Ron and Hermione popping out.  
  
"Sorry Bellatrix, we'll have to dance some other time" Snape said, trying to sound polite though having trouble with the wording.  
  
"'S ok, sexy!" She responded happily slapping his butt when he turned around. 'O...o ......k' Snape thought nervously heading over to the new intruders.  
  
"Hey homies....where's the rest of the order!?" The last part was more Snape-sounding.  
  
"They...haven't gotten here yet" Now Ron realizing it was his scary potions teacher he was talking to.  
  
"But we've sent an owl!" Hermione assured "To every member!"  
  
"So it's just the three of us? No, I'd rather wait until the rest get here..."  
  
"Is... _that _Harry?" Ron interrupted Snape while pointing to a dancing Potter in the middle of the crowd.  
  
"Is...is he doing.... _the lawnmower_?" Hermione asked incredulously then stated desperately "We....we've got to save him!!"  
  
"Maybe we should wait like Snape said..." Ron proposed a little intimidated by all the Death Eaters.  
  
"Yes, besides, Potter's not suffering, he's not sober enough to know what he's doing, no one is" Snape commented while juggling scissors. This statement seemed to encourage Hermione's idea.  
  
"On the count of three, we stunt those two Death Eaters over there and take their clothes!" She commanded Ron. Snape watched as, from the backdoor, the two students stunned Goyle and Nort took their robes and headed into the dance floor, all while he finished his sixth beer.  
  
Hermione and Ron evaded the dancing Death Eaters making their way towards Harry but not without continually being asked to dance.  
  
"Lemme do the spin!" Harry twirled around until stopped when someone grabbed his shoulder "Who interrupted me..._brusquely?"_ Harry enquired just to find himself face to face with Hermione.  
  
Meniadito A very weird latin song, that has become a dance, I do not recommend you try dancing it, quite... dizzying.


End file.
